MomME needs me time: How to convey you are human and need a moment to yourself.
Mom, mommy, mum, ma, mooooooooooooooooooooooom!
Sighs deeply, I just want a nice quiet soak.
To use the bathroom in peace.
Without the knocks or barging in,
little fingers under the door,
gently rapping on the chamber door.
Another breath out, sigh.
I am mom.
Great news! Moms are people too!
Some even better news, Kiddos need to see this, they also need to see you setting boundaries and participating in self-care and self-growth activities.
Why? So they themselves will grow up knowing this is okay.
Imagine not feeling guilty for taking care of yourself, what a great gift to pass on to your littles.
Moms.com talks about setting boundaries and I would like to give talking points and a few ideas on how to execute the need of having moments to yourself.
One of the best methods I found was using timers and having a conversation with them, they themselves are people too! Of course they need a certain capacity. The infants and newborns don’t care about your timer, but toddlers and olders can.
Hey____________(insert name or nickname)
I need to do ___________ (activity)
I will be ______________(how long it will take) anything over 15mins may be hard for them so start small and keep practicing with them.
This is a timer, I am setting it for ________mins
This is ____________(an activity) for you to do until I am done. They can also do self-care this is a great time to introduce them to this. Find out things that brings them joy and have them do that.
But if you hurt or something is wrong, you can come get me.
I will be _____________(your location)
It’s important that you also respect the timer too, when its dings you re-establish connections.
Wow, you did an excellent job and I was able to do____________.
You can offer a reward but I do not see a reason to. This respectful interaction should be normalized.
It can be done in reverse to.
This is your _______ time.(like play time, tv time, electronics etc.)
I am setting a timer and I will be over here so you can do your activity.
Guess what! (Sound excited)
I am going to _________(activity) if it’s hygienic self-care you can just say do some self care. If it is a class or activity tell them about it and why you are excited for it.
It should take ___________ (time) The older they are the longer they should be self-sufficient. Now if they are not used to this then start smaller.
The younger ones may need a timer or if they can tell time then say
I will be done at_________time.
This is a list of activities you can do pick_______(how every many that is time appropriate)
Once again respect the timer if you say this time then honor that. If it may run over, communicate that.
It should be ____________ but sometimes it goes longer. Minutes are fine, hours are not. It’s important to respect each other’s time. It builds trust.
I am feeling___________(emotion)
I am going to take this ____________ (amount of time) for me to feel my emotions and process them so I can figure out what I want to do about it.
I know I used mom as a default statement(mostly thinking about that one episode of family guy with Stewie, and my personal experience with the mom, mom, mom thing kids do, but this applies to any caretaker of children: mom, dad, partner, gigi, papa whoever you are important too! You are allowed to have moments. You are allowed to grow and find joy and peace.
Feel free to change the dialogue this was just to get you started and remind you that you are important too.